128 Mark Twain Quotes Sayings That Will Make You Humorist

Mark Twain Quotes Sayings That Will Make You Humorist
Mark Twain Quotes Sayings That Will Make You Humorist

Mark Twain Quotes Sayings That Will Make You Humorist


Mark Twain was an American writer, entrepreneur, humorist, publisher, and lecturer. Here are the best Mark Twain quotes and a short biography. His original name Samuel Langhorne Clemens but known as his pen name Mark Twain. He was lauded as the "greatest humorist this country has produced".

Mark Twain was born on 30 November 1835, in Florida, Missouri, United States. He served an apprenticeship with a printer and afterward filled in as a typesetter, contributing articles to the paper of his more established sibling Orion Clemens. He later turned into a riverboat pilot on the Mississippi River before traveling west to join Orion in Nevada. He alluded amusingly to his absence of achievement at mining, going to news-casting for the Virginia City Territorial Enterprise. His humorous story, "The Celebrated Jumping Frog of Calaveras County", was published in 1865, in light of a story that he heard at Angels Hotel in Angels Camp, California, where he had invested some energy as a digger. The short story brought universal consideration and was even converted into French. His mind and parody, in exposition and in the discourse, earned acclaim from pundits and companions, and he was a companion to presidents, industrialists, artists, and European royalty. He died on 21 April 1910 at age 74 in Redding, Connecticut, USA.

William Faulkner called him 'the father of American literature'. His books incorporate The Adventures of Tom Sawyer (1876) and its sequel, the Adventures of Huckleberry Finn (1884), the latter often called "The Great American Novel". Check out the following inspirational Mark Twain quotes about life, friend, travel, truth, love, death, funny and others.


Mark Twain Inspirational Quotes


1. Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as well. - Mark Twain

2. If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and man. - Mark Twain

3. Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. - Mark Twain


Mark Twain Quotes Sayings That Will Make You Humorist

4. Always do what is right. It will gratify half of mankind and astound the other. - Mark Twain

5. Never tell the truth to people who are not worthy of it. - Mark Twain

6. The worst loneliness is to not be comfortable with yourself. - Mark Twain

7. The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time. - Mark Twain

8. Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear. - Mark Twain

9. The best way to cheer yourself is to try to cheer someone else up. - Mark Twain

10. Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience. - Mark Twain

11. Any emotion, if it is sincere, is involuntary. - Mark Twain


12. All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure. - Mark Twain

Mark Twain Quotes Sayings That Will Make You Humorist

13. It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare. - Mark Twain

14. Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see. - Mark Twain


Mark Twain Famous Quotes


15. Good friends, good books, and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life. - Mark Twain

16. You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus. - Mark Twain

17. The most interesting information come from children, for they tell all they know and then stop. - Mark Twain

18. History doesn't repeat itself, but it does rhyme. - Mark Twain


Mark Twain Quotes Sayings That Will Make You Humorist

19. Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it. - Mark Twain

20. A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes. - Mark Twain


Mark Twain Quotes On Truth


21. Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Truth isn't. - Mark Twain

22. There was things which he stretched, but mainly he told the truth. - Mark Twain

23. Children and fools always speak the truth. - Mark Twain

24. Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured. - Mark Twain

25. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything. - Mark Twain

26. The truth should never be permitted to stand in the way of a good story. - Mark Twain


Mark Twain Quotes Sayings That Will Make You Humorist

27. Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen. - Mark Twain

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28. You cannot trust your eyes if your imagination is out of focus. - Mark Twain

29. A man is never more truthful than when he acknowledges himself a liar. - Mark Twain


30. Never let the truth get in the way of a good story. - Mark Twain


Mark Twain Travel Quote


31. Travel is fatal to narrow-mindedness, prejudice, and bigotry. - Mark Twain

32. I have found out that there ain't no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them. - Mark Twain

33. Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness. - Mark Twain


Mark Twain Quotes About Life


34. Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone you may still exist, but you have ceased to live. - Mark Twain

35. After all these years, I see that I was mistaken about Eve in the beginning; it is better to live outside the Garden with her than inside it without her. - Mark Twain


36. The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why. - Mark Twain

Mark Twain Quotes Sayings That Will Make You Humorist

37. There is no such thing as an ordinary life. - Mark Twain
 
38. I've lived through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened. - Mark Twain

39. Find a job you enjoy doing, and you will never have to work a day in your life. - Mark Twain

40. I've had a lot of worries in my life, most of which never happened. - Mark Twain

41. Life itself is only a vision, a dream. - Mark Twain

42. Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside. - Mark Twain

43. Let us live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry. - Mark Twain

44. To succeed in life, you need two things: ignorance and confidence. - Mark Twain

45. When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained. - Mark Twain

46. Life is short, break the rules. Forgive quickly, kiss slowly. Love truly. Laugh uncontrollably and never regret anything that makes you smile. -
Mark Twain
 
47. Give every day the chance to become the most beautiful day of your life. - Mark Twain


Mark Twain Quotes Sayings That Will Make You Humorist

48. Obscurity and a competence that is the life that is best worth living. - Mark Twain
 
49. Now and then we had a hope that if we lived and were good, God would permit us to be pirates. - Mark Twain


Mark Twain Quotes About Education


50. The man who does not read has no advantage over the man who cannot read. - Mark Twain

51. Books are for people who wish they were somewhere else. - Mark Twain

 
52. In a good bookroom, you feel in some mysterious way that you are absorbing the wisdom contained in all the books through your skin, without even opening them. - Mark Twain

53. Don't let school interfere with your education. - Mark Twain


Mark Twain Quotes Sayings That Will Make You Humorist

54. Education: the path from cocky ignorance to miserable uncertainty. - Mark Twain

55. Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more deadly in the long run. - Mark Twain

56. I have never let my schooling interfere with my education. - Mark Twain

57. Education: that which reveals to the wise, and conceals from the stupid, the vast limits of their knowledge. - Mark Twain

58. Some people get an education without going to college. The rest get it after they get out. - Mark Twain

59. Education consists mainly of what we have unlearned. - Mark Twain


Mark Twain Best Quotes


60. Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option. - Mark Twain

61. Wrinkles should merely indicate where the smiles have been. - Mark Twain

62. A clear conscience is the sure sign of a bad memory. - Mark Twain

63. Good judgment is the result of experience and experience the result of bad judgment. - Mark Twain

64. Reality can be beaten with enough imagination. - Mark Twain

65. Plain question and plain answer make the shortest road out of most perplexities. - Mark Twain


Mark Twain Quotes Sayings That Will Make You Humorist

66. It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not deserve them. - Mark Twain

67. To get the full value of joy you must have someone to divide it with. - Mark Twain

 
68. Out of all the things I have lost, I miss my mind the most. - Mark Twain


Mark Twain Quotes About Death


69. I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it. - Mark Twain

70. No ship can outsail death. - Mark Twain

 
71. Death is to life as heaven is to hell they're both dependent on each other. - Mark Twain

72. The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time. - Mark Twain


Mark Twain Quotes Sayings That Will Make You Humorist

73. Do the thing you fear the most and the death of fear is certain. - Mark Twain

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74. Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of joy you must have somebody to divide it with. - Mark Twain


Mark Twain Short Quotes


75. Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident. - Mark Twain

76. The lack of money is the root of all evil. - Mark Twain

 
77. Of all the animals, man is the only one that lies. - Mark Twain

78. Man is the only animal that blushes. Or needs to. - Mark Twain

 
79. Be good and you will be lonesome. - Mark Twain

80. Distance lends enchantment to the view. - Mark Twain

 
81. Humor is mankind's greatest blessing. - Mark Twain


Mark Twain Quotes Sayings That Will Make You Humorist

82. I like criticism, but it must be my way. - Mark Twain

83. Prosperity is the best protector of principle. - Mark Twain

 
84. A half-truth is the most cowardly of lies. - Mark Twain

85. Honesty: The best of all the lost arts. - Mark Twain

86. When angry, count four. When very angry, swear. - Mark Twain

87. Facts are stubborn things, but statistics are pliable. - Mark Twain


Mark Twain Quotes About Love


88. When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain. - Mark Twain

89. A full belly is of little worth where the mind is starved, and the heart. - Mark Twain

90. There are three things men can do with women: love them, suffer them, or turn them into literature. - Mark Twain

91. I love to hear myself talk because I get so much instruction and moral upheaval out of it. - Mark Twain

 
92. Love is not a product of reasonings and statistics. It just comes-none knows whence-and cannot explain itself. - Mark Twain


Mark Twain Quotes Sayings That Will Make You Humorist

93. When a man loves cats, I am his friend and comrade, without further introduction. - Mark Twain

94. Don't wake up a woman in love. Let her dream, so that she does not weep when she returns to her bitter reality. - Mark Twain


Mark Twain Quotes On Wisdom


95. Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to reform. - Mark Twain

96. Classic′ - a book which people praise and don't read. - Mark Twain

97. The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also. - Mark Twain

98. It's better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than open it and remove all doubt. - Mark Twain


99. Everyone is a moon and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody. - Mark Twain

Mark Twain Quotes Sayings That Will Make You Humorist

100. Wisdom is the reward you get for a lifetime of listening when you would rather have talked. - Mark Twain

101. Never have a battle of wits with an unarmed person. - Mark Twain

102. A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining but wants it back the minute it begins to rain. - Mark Twain

103. Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. - Mark Twain


Mark Twain Quotes About Friend


104. The trouble is not in dying for a friend, but in finding a friend worth dying for. - Mark Twain

105. It takes your enemy and your friend, working together, to hurt you to the heart: the one to slander you and the other to get the news to you. - Mark Twain

106. No man is a failure who has friends. - Mark Twain


Mark Twain Quotes Sayings That Will Make You Humorist

107. I don't like to commit myself about Heaven and Hell, you see, I have friends in both places. - Mark Twain

108. It's easy to make friends, but hard to get rid of them. - Mark Twain

 
109. The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money. - Mark Twain


Mark Twain Funny Quotes


110. I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it. - Mark Twain

111. Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason. - Mark Twain

112. April 1. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four. - Mark Twain


113. God created war so that Americans would learn geography. - Mark Twain

Mark Twain Quotes Sayings That Will Make You Humorist

114. In the first place, God made idiots. This was for practice. Then he made school boards. - Mark Twain

115. I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn’t know. - Mark Twain

116. There's one way to find out if a man is honest: ask him; if he says yes, you know he's crooked. - Mark Twain

117. Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has laid an egg cackles as if she had laid an asteroid. - Mark Twain

118. The human race has only one really effective weapon and that is laughter. - Mark Twain


119. Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times. - Mark Twain

Mark Twain Quotes Sayings That Will Make You Humorist

120. Eat a live frog first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day. - Mark Twain

121. I didn't have time to write a short letter, so I wrote a long one instead. - Mark Twain


Mark Twain Quotations


122. Of all the animals, man is the only one that is cruel. He is the only one that inflicts pain for the pleasure of doing it. - Mark Twain

123. Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society. - Mark Twain

124. Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more. - Mark Twain

125. Action speaks louder than words but not nearly as often. - Mark Twain


Mark Twain Quotes Sayings That Will Make You Humorist

126. The right word may be effective, but no word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause. - Mark Twain

127. The more I learn about people, the more I like my dog. - Mark Twain

128. Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please. - Mark Twain


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